Wow. Something has shifted. My days over the last week have been filled with so much positive and affirmative movement forward. The things that I say I want to accomplish in these days, I accomplish. It feels like prosperity and success that I complete the thing I'll set out to do, especially if I didn't know how to do it at the start. I set intentions according to how I feel. I'm listening to my body, making plans based on how I feel intuitively in my body, from my body. I'm trusting it. Going with it.
When I noticed this was happening, I had been spent the whole weekend in queer and femme-centered spaces delving and swimming in the pleasure of those spaces. I was in a bubble. It felt like sex- like when you're having sex with someone and you're completely immersed in it- you smell like the person, you taste like them, they are all over you and you're all over them. You have just merged with all this bodily energy and fluid and scents and you're still doing it! That's how it felt, but on a broader scale because there were many people there. We were having conversations about being poly, and being trans, and music, and nature. I took time out to play music. It felt very centric around our power and our selves, our freedom and liberty, and our DIVERSITY as people, as queer people, as feminized people and feminine focused people. Woo! It was luscious. Just delicious.
When it all comes down to it, this is about wallowing in my pleasure. I've used the word wallow so many times to negatively described how I am in my feelings. But Today and for the past several days I've been wallowing in THEE pleasure that is life and my life and the lives of the people around me who are here and great and beautiful and sexy and successful and prosperous and stylish and cool! They just turn me on, because we have these conversations that are intellectual and intuitive and sensual and intimate. We talk a lot about investing in one another, in the work and lives of each other, in the things that will support us together. It's communal. I don't have a singular partner to go home to at night so my whole community is showing up in ways that feed every part of me and it feels SO PLEASURABLE. (I'm on my pleasure tip.) I've reached a maturity that what I want is also intuitive and so I'm trusting in my desires as intuition. I've been practicing saying what I need and doing the things I need to do for myself without feeling badly and in spite of what other people may think. This is my healing. This is my year to be productive. From Inside myself. Really changing my mindset around the way I do things, decolonizing my ideals in a major way. Asking myself, "What do I want? What do I like? What do I feel? What do I need?" and being non-judgmental about what comes up. It feels amazing. I'm very grateful. I'm excited. I can't wait to do more, to give more, receive more.
Also it's Spring time y'all! Summer time is right around the corner. It's warm. Feels correct. I'm good.