Dreaming, Observations, and Family Stuff
1. Talkin shit with my Aunty in Portuguese. Highlight of my night. She had to repeat herself so many times but adults are more patient than the kids about my understanding.
2. The lines between women's fashion and men's are clearly defined. And the women wear everything short, tight and low. The men's uniform consists of knee length shorts and a collard or T shirt. Always. Flip-flops are the only item without gender assignment. Because of these norms, I feel free to wear nearly nothing anywhere. I ain't got no titties so my show is all leg but no one's really looking (but me). That's what's trippin me out. I think of how often I've seen men in the U.S. turn to watch the back of any woman or girl in tight bottoms. Those men would get whiplash here in one night. Too many places to turn to see ass. The men here are accustomed to it and they don't seem to mind either way. Are people in the US suffering from sexual deprivation or is it just over-exemplification of a human form? Yet another American dream to dismantle.
3. I peeped a lesbian couple at a party last night. Duh we're everywhere, but in such a defined hetero-normative culture it's pretty nice to see us out. I'd feel the same way if I were visiting the U.S. south or middle America or the Islands. Just glad to see us.
4. I spend my days with little boys and I feel like one of them except they have to teach me how to talk. My attraction to masculinity is directed toward myself like I want to mirror it, not counter it. I'm trying to figure out if my femininity takes away from my ability allow masculinity to embody me. By doctrine, masculinity and femininity are opposite each other but it can't be that simple or else nature wouldn't be revealing something different. More to explore.
5. I spent yesterday sleeping and then day-dreaming of farming and land work and land rights and collective energy toward healing the earth through ourselves. Dreaming of next steps, possibilities, making choices, pulling in help, joining existing collective movement, and needing/providing more local options at my favorite organic grocer. Food is so important. I'm seeking knowledge to access the realm of its importance from ground to application and back into the ground. This is a life path that's chosen me. In my dream this morning, my Aunty was talking to me and said that I am doing enough of what I love that my heart strings are starting to show. It is inspiration to do more of what I love. Do more. Keep it up.
6. On my period and the perfect time to sleep all day is on vacation. All the food is here. ALL the food. Wow.
7. Again, I am eagerly waiting to spend time in Bahia. What attracts me about the culture in Bahia is the Black, the consciousness of Blackness and the celebration therein, the understanding of a mutual struggle, the intention to support each other through the pandemic of racism. In the world over Black people set cultural norms that get exploited and appropriated until it is forgotten who set the quality standard. This is the lens from which I see art, music, fashion, dance, and now food and land work. To go deeper into this history in Brazil is to bridge the tiny gap between Black Americans and Brasileiros Africanos. We share in so much of the same history that to learn one is to learn the other. I'm sure it is like that throughout the African diaspora.
8. There's a donkey walking up and down the street outside. I love the country!