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My sister has many things. She is not poor. I'm not sure if she's rich, but definitely not poor. She works hard. Always working. One thing I notice about her is that she still kicks it with whomever. I don't see other people around her have a lot of things like she does, but she's chill about it. I like that. I don't know if she even thinks of it; she may have just had a dream to have this phatass house and then worked for it. I don't know what her husband does at all.

That brings me to another observation: long-time married people here don't act like it either. So I've been talkin' and thinkin' and trippin' about my habitual seeking of partnership, but from my history and the history and present of most partnerships I know of, they seem to get pretty dull after a long time. I know that the same fire can't burn forever, which is why marriages get arranged in some places. That makes sense to me when it's an arrangement based on mutual support and understanding of familial capabilities. Then you just hope to like the person.

From what I've seen, marriage is a work relationship. Since we can't live on sex and butterflies alone, when we enter into relationship we have to consider what good can be built out of it. What can we create and will we? I understand this and also that the age most people marry is too young for a lifetime commitment. We could consider marrying once to raise children if that's what we want and then marrying again later for companionship. I'm sure that the percentage of people who would marry one another twice in this scenario would be as slim as the current divorce rate is high. We could also employ marrying multiple people at once. In this case, I could see how children and a compounded household would benefit from having multiple parents. Then we'd all have a few more options for what to do with our "second spring" as the Chinese call it. If we then prefer to live alone or to have just one partner or continue to support a compound of mature adults, we could do so. The point is to keep evolving and although that's not everyone's long-term goal, we could make some room for those who recognize a need to have freedom of choice once they've completed their goals and responsibilities with other people. It's not so hard to imagine, especially when you consider that we now work-to-retire.

Landwork is a life-long job. Music, mathematics, science- these are all life-long commitments. They are subjects one can never know everything about about in a life time. My father's father worked as a welder until he died. He lived on his own land, built his own house, raised his own chickens and some food, and build his business around his community. Such were the times. My father was a musician always. I've never thought of choosing to work on something for many years just to abandon it later. The never-ending story intrigues me. Once an activist, always an activist. I look up to people whose work they could (and did) die doing. This quality of farming is romantic to me.

I resist setting patterns that I don't know if I can make habit. That is to feel comfort in repeating them for an indefinite amount of time. To rest in them. The reason break ups have been so jolting to me is that I've been taking them seriously. I've habitualized my movements in them, even to evolve with them, and tried to rest indefinitely in their comfort. I'm that baby monkey who, when in isolation, prefers comfort over nourishment. Ahgh. Grow up Tatti. Or stop isolating.

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